One time a guy told me to watch his coat, still watching it [looks at coat].
Warning: Looking into the face of evil may cause blindness and/or death. Stair if you dare.
My theory is let a dead cat rest, and you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve had to use it.
Does Air India have first caste?
I’m a big Daniel Day Lewis fan, but sometimes I think he takes this method acting thing a little too far. Like that time he played David Burkowitz.
I’m out in public all the times; I really should have seen some superhero stuff by now.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
This is the beginning of my John Hughes movie
“You ever stop at a crosswalk and look at the people inside the cars? They all have lives; they all have stories to tell. And just when you start to wonder about their lives they’re gone, off to another chapter. Meanwhile you just stand there, waiting to make a story out of your life.”
It’s pretty good if I do say so myself, from that point the character goes into a story that’s very Eighties but still makes sense in today’s world that may or may not involve the protagonist damaging his father’s car.
It’s pretty good if I do say so myself, from that point the character goes into a story that’s very Eighties but still makes sense in today’s world that may or may not involve the protagonist damaging his father’s car.
The sad state of rebellion
At one point this country had dignity. If a rich man ran you over he would pay you to keep quite. Now a day he hits you, you got his lawyer calling you about paying his mechanic. And what are you gonna do, call the cops? Bought and paid for sorry to say. Now a day you got rich people driving around in their Bentley’s mowing over the working poor. People are scared to walk down the street it’s got so bad. And what are you to do? Start a violent communist revolution that culminates with an over coup of the government? Not when you got dental bills you have to work overtime to pay off.
Now time for some American History
True Fact: The Constitution is much longer and at one point includes the recipe for Grandma Franklin’s colony-famous ginger snaps. The shorter version was chosen as the standard document because of James Madison’s excessive use of the word “croquet”, a popular lawn game at the time.
The History of Pants
“There is a compelling argument to be made about the merits of pants.” said the member of Parliament.
“Preposterous, nonsense, and pure propaganda by the garment consortium.” said another.
The argument stayed in Parliament for a proper fortnight before the isles of Britain were swayed in favor of wearing pants. And once the British adopt something the whole world follows suit, imperialism man. This all happened when they had queens and kings, the part of history you only really glance at because it’s not all that important. Textbooks just have eighty year swaths missing from country to country, something had to happen there. So this one of those facts that only exists in the “weird history books”. But it’s still true, for a long time people stopped wearing pants. Don’t be mistaken, people wore pants before this Parliamentary decree, but this made them an everyday thing. Prior to such people only wore pants on special occasions, weddings and whatnot.
“Preposterous, nonsense, and pure propaganda by the garment consortium.” said another.
The argument stayed in Parliament for a proper fortnight before the isles of Britain were swayed in favor of wearing pants. And once the British adopt something the whole world follows suit, imperialism man. This all happened when they had queens and kings, the part of history you only really glance at because it’s not all that important. Textbooks just have eighty year swaths missing from country to country, something had to happen there. So this one of those facts that only exists in the “weird history books”. But it’s still true, for a long time people stopped wearing pants. Don’t be mistaken, people wore pants before this Parliamentary decree, but this made them an everyday thing. Prior to such people only wore pants on special occasions, weddings and whatnot.
Ask the Etiquetteor
Dear Etiquetteor, I have recently stolen someone’s wallet. What should I do with it after extracting all the valuables?
Good question, common knowledge would be to pawn off a valuable wallet while mailing back the persons personal items. Any wallet with a poor resale value should be included in the mail back to the owner. Make the package untraceable by listing a phony return address. More often than not however, the owners are happy to get their wallet back and won’t be suspicious.
Good question, common knowledge would be to pawn off a valuable wallet while mailing back the persons personal items. Any wallet with a poor resale value should be included in the mail back to the owner. Make the package untraceable by listing a phony return address. More often than not however, the owners are happy to get their wallet back and won’t be suspicious.
Channeling my inner Martin Luther, if he cared about football.
Six Grievances with the Super Bowl
1. The few days leading up to the game are pure hell. Whoever is rolled in front of the camera gives his “analysis” on the game. In addition to being of zero value to all but the most hardcore gamblers this stuff is usually the same rehashed garbage the last guy was talking about. Due to the amount of people offering up their own opinion not only has every possible angle been covered, but also contradicted by some other idiot.
2. The commercials are not nearly as good as you think. Each year the commercials are always more talked about than the game. To be fair there is usually one or two good ones in the bunch, the rest not so much. Every commercial seems to involve a guy so dumb it’s amazing he can even open the beer he’s endorsing. By the way, how effective is it to be endorsing Doritos and Budweiser during the Superbowl? Not only is there a good chance people are using the product as the ad is going on but do we really still have to try so hard to sell beer to guys watching football? These commercials are little more than rehashed Laurel and Hardy bits trying to sell Pepsi. With such a wide audience the humor has to be incredibly broad and thus it becomes slapstick.
3. Superbowls are numbered for some reason. Instead of going by year like every other sporting event, Superbowls have numbers assigned to them. Then to add insult to injury they use Roman numerals, spawning the dumb guy to ask what those letters mean. The problem with this is if I asked you about Superbowl 22 you would have no idea when it was played. Unless of course you do the math to find out when that was, but then you’d be doing math.
4. The game could very well suck. Just because it’s the Superbowl doesn’t guarantee the game will be good. Unless your team is playing there’s a good chance you’ll be bored after the initial buzz wears off. Football is rarely four quarters of action pack edge of your seat excitement, the Superbowl is no exception. Add in the fact that a lot of people who watch the Superbowl don’t regularly watch football and you end up with a really boring party on your hands.
5. The two days following the Superbowl are even worse that the days leading up. Sports channels and other news stations replay clips of the game on a near constant loop. Why they do it is a complete mystery to me, everyone already saw the game. If you remotely were interested in the game you saw it. And the people who didn’t see the game didn’t watch for a reason: they don’t like football. No one who cares about the game is watching it via highlight. It’s not an Islander game we’re talking about, it’s the goddamn Superbowl.
6. Not really for football fans. The Superbowl is the biggest media event of the year that also happens to be a football game. Each year more and more distractions are added to take the emphasis off the actual game. There’s a halftime concert, commercials, and the party you attended to watch the game. The Superbowl is a football game in the same way a two dollar bill is currency. Technically it’s a football game but really it’s more of a football themed party.
1. The few days leading up to the game are pure hell. Whoever is rolled in front of the camera gives his “analysis” on the game. In addition to being of zero value to all but the most hardcore gamblers this stuff is usually the same rehashed garbage the last guy was talking about. Due to the amount of people offering up their own opinion not only has every possible angle been covered, but also contradicted by some other idiot.
2. The commercials are not nearly as good as you think. Each year the commercials are always more talked about than the game. To be fair there is usually one or two good ones in the bunch, the rest not so much. Every commercial seems to involve a guy so dumb it’s amazing he can even open the beer he’s endorsing. By the way, how effective is it to be endorsing Doritos and Budweiser during the Superbowl? Not only is there a good chance people are using the product as the ad is going on but do we really still have to try so hard to sell beer to guys watching football? These commercials are little more than rehashed Laurel and Hardy bits trying to sell Pepsi. With such a wide audience the humor has to be incredibly broad and thus it becomes slapstick.
3. Superbowls are numbered for some reason. Instead of going by year like every other sporting event, Superbowls have numbers assigned to them. Then to add insult to injury they use Roman numerals, spawning the dumb guy to ask what those letters mean. The problem with this is if I asked you about Superbowl 22 you would have no idea when it was played. Unless of course you do the math to find out when that was, but then you’d be doing math.
4. The game could very well suck. Just because it’s the Superbowl doesn’t guarantee the game will be good. Unless your team is playing there’s a good chance you’ll be bored after the initial buzz wears off. Football is rarely four quarters of action pack edge of your seat excitement, the Superbowl is no exception. Add in the fact that a lot of people who watch the Superbowl don’t regularly watch football and you end up with a really boring party on your hands.
5. The two days following the Superbowl are even worse that the days leading up. Sports channels and other news stations replay clips of the game on a near constant loop. Why they do it is a complete mystery to me, everyone already saw the game. If you remotely were interested in the game you saw it. And the people who didn’t see the game didn’t watch for a reason: they don’t like football. No one who cares about the game is watching it via highlight. It’s not an Islander game we’re talking about, it’s the goddamn Superbowl.
6. Not really for football fans. The Superbowl is the biggest media event of the year that also happens to be a football game. Each year more and more distractions are added to take the emphasis off the actual game. There’s a halftime concert, commercials, and the party you attended to watch the game. The Superbowl is a football game in the same way a two dollar bill is currency. Technically it’s a football game but really it’s more of a football themed party.
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